Here With Me
by SpaceCowgirl1
Summary: AU PadmeObiWan, post Episode III and pre Episode IV. ObiWan takes Padme with him to his hiding place on Tatooine to make sure the Sith won't find her. But taking care of her is far more complicated than he thought...
1. Prologue: ObiWan

**Title**: Here With Me  
**Author**: SpaceCowgirl (AKA NidaYubari at Livejournal)  
**Beta**: Khuu Khuu  
**Fandom**: Star Wars  
**Genre**: Angst, Romance, AU  
**Pairing**: Padmé Amidala /Obi-Wan Kenobi (Apologies to the canon-police!)  
**Rating**: T (there might be a M-rated chapter later on, I'll change the overall rating then)

**WARNING**: Episode III SPOILERS! Do NOT read further if that's a problem.  
**Summary**: This AU story is set between Episode III and Episode IV, starting at the ending of Ep III. Obi-Wan agrees to take Padmé (yep, she's alive) with him to his hiding place on Tatooine to make sure the Sith won't find her. But taking care of a mourning and stubborn woman turns out to be far more difficult than he expected, and when he starts to have feelings for her that run deeper than friendship, things are getting even more complicated.  
**Feedback**: Is very much appreciated! I like constructive criticism, but please be gentle because it's my very first Star Wars story and I'm totally new to the SW fanfic community. :)  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own Obi-Wan Kenobi or Padmé Amidala. (Too bad!) Lucky fellow George Lucas does. And I stole the story's title from the very talented Dido, because I'm terrible in making up titles on my own. No copyright infringement intended.

**HERE WITH ME -- Prologue: Obi-Wan **

Padmé would live. The mere thought gave me a little bit of the peace which I thought I had lost forever. The recent events had been tearing at my inner balance. But she would live.

We had almost lost her as she was giving birth to Luke and Leia. Almost. The medical droids had succeeded in keeping her alive, but we considered it best to make the general public believe that Senator Amidala had passed away, taking both twins with her. She was put into a stasis-like condition and officially declared dead. There was a simulated funeral in order to scotch any doubts about her tragic passing.

We decided to seperate the twins from one another, and from their mother too. All three of them were to be taken to places where they had the chance of starting a new life. Somewhere, where the Sith wouldn't be able to track them down and kill them. There was no other way. The innocent infants were our last hope. So, Viceroy Bail Organa adopted the girl, and I delivered the boy to his uncle Owen Lars on Tatooine, where I planned to retreat to also to spend the rest of my life in exile. Meanwhile, Master Yoda wanted to find a refuge for Padmé, who still was trapped in unconsciousness, not knowing her fate. But finding a convenient hiding place for Padmé turned out to be far more difficult than expected. Master Yoda contacted me on Tatooine to resume our discussion about the matter, and after much talking and even more deliberating, I agreed to fetch her myself and take her with me to the distant Outer Rim to see to her well-being. After I had discovered it unwise to take either of the twins, this was the least I could do.

So now we finally were here. She and I, in a small spartan hut that was by no means offering any luxury, but it served the purpose. It was in a good position deep in the deserts of Tatooine, quite far from any semblance of civilization. It should hide us well. It wasn't exactly a dwelling that did justice to Padmé, who was a former Head of State, but there was little choice. Yoda and I had made the decision for her; she didn't have a chance to have a say in it. There was nothing else I could do but hope for her compliance, once she woke up again and learned of what had happened.

Without any effort, I carried her seemingly lifeless body into the hut which was to be our shelter from now on. I had laid her on the bed, placed a chair next to it and sat down on, waiting for her to wake up. Two hours passed, and neither of us had moved an inch.

It was an exceptionally hot day, even for local conditions. The twin suns of Tatooine glared without mercy, heating the dreary surface of the planet. Even though the shaded rooms weren't as torrid as it was outdoors, it was still sweltering enough to make Padmé and me break out in an instantaneous sweat. Her face and the backs of her hands glistened with dampness. I considered stripping off a few of her multilayered clothes to make her feel more comfortable, but decided against it. I had already taken off the thick cloak she'd been wrapped in before I had carried her to the bed, and this had to be sufficient for the time being. Even if we were to live under the same roof from now on, Padmé was still a former Queen and Senator, and the mother of my former Padawan's offspring. My ethical code forbade me to undress her while she was unconscious. So, I remained where I was, on the chair, and just watched her.

I wondered just how long it would take her to adapt to her new home. Her homeplanet Naboo was an idyllic place with green slopes, rich forests and lively, vibrant cities. While there were clear waters and copious vegetation on Naboo, all Tatooine had to offer was a never-ending, dusty desert. Myriads of dunes gave way to bleak mesas and cragged canyons every now and again, scattered across the otherwise flat land. On Naboo there was a moderate climate, but here we were exposed to extreme temperature changes. It was stiflingly hot during the day, and biting cold during the night. Though Tatooine was far from being the most pleasant or beautiful place to live in, it was simply the safest for us. It was a remote planet beyond the reaches of the Republic and Imperial law. They wouldn't find us here. We just would have to make sure to stay away from the few cities that were far strewn over Tatooine and choose a life in complete exile. Padmé would see that there was no other option. She was a clever and strong woman. She would understand.

Suddenly her eyelids twitched. Only very faintly, but it was a definite indication of her awakening. It took some time until there was more than weak involuntary movements, but there was no hurry. I could wait, no matter how long. Finally, the first spoken word slipped from her pale lips. It was shaky and scarcely audible, but I understood, and it triggered an unexpectedly deep feeling of sympathy inside of me.

"Anakin?" she whispered exhaustedly before even opening her eyes properly. It broke my heart to see her feeling around for him with a very weak motion of her arm. I gave into instinctive impulse and rose. I carefully took her searching hand in my own and sat down next to her on the corner of the bed. Her lids opened only a little crack, but it was enough to let me see the affliction and sadness in her dark eyes.

"Master Kenobi..." There was so much confusion in her voice, hopelessness and sorrow. I asked myself what I should say. Suddenly, I didn't know how I could ever find the right words to explain the situation to her anymore. How could I have thought that it would be possible to make her understand? For the first time since I had agreed to take her with me into exile, to hide her and take care of her, I doubted that it would actually work. What was I getting myself into? Why was I always prone to impose obligations on myself which I couldn't accomplish, no matter how hard I tried and how badly I wanted to? Was it my destiny to always fail and bring destruction to those I loved the most? I resisted this idea and decided that it would be different this time. This time, I wouldn't fail. I already had lost the two most important people in my life, and I couldn't do anything to bring back Qui-Gon or Anakin. It was too late. But it was not too late to protect Padmé. I was willing to give everything I had to offer and more, just to make it right this time. To save her.

"Obi-Wan?" Her small voice made me snap out of my thoughts. I looked at her while her lethargic gaze slowly travelled the little room. Her hand was delicate and pale in my own, and I caught myself stroking the back of her hand gently with my thumb, hoping that the gesture would calm her a little. Finally she looked directly in my eyes.

"Where are we?" she breathed faintly.

"Safe," I said.

t.b.c. -


	2. Chapter 1: ObiWan

Thank you very much for the kind reviews! I'm really glad you liked the start of the story.

Happy birthday (belated) to mrs. skywalker! And phoenix212: I'm everywhere! lol

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**HERE WITH ME -- Chapter 1: Obi-Wan **

I sat at the table, waiting for the tea to cool off a bit, staring at the curtain that obstructed the view to Padmé's bed. Technically, the house offered only one single room for both of us to live and sleep in, along with a basement where I kept all kinds of supplies, and a tiny room for the sanitation purposes. To grant her and myself a little more privacy, however, I'd fixed the largest blanket I could find to the ceiling in the middle of the main room, creating a provisional separation of sleeping area and living area.

The first two days had been almost disturbingly quiet in our quarters. I never heard a sound from her half of the room. No crying, no sighing, no rustling of the bed sheets. Nothing. We hadn't talked much since she had woken up. After she'd asked me where we were, she had been too exhausted to wait for any explanation. She had fallen into a deep sleep while I was still wondering how to answer, never letting go of her hand. She slept almost till noon the next day, and when she woke up she was silent for a long time. When she finally addressed me, she had only one single question.

"You killed him, didn't you?" Padmé had asked, her voice barely more than a trembling breath.

"He won't come back," I had answered quietly and evasively. She hadn't asked further. She hadn't even looked at me. That was the last time we'd spoken to one another. The next thing I did was put up the curtain. It was more than obvious that she didn't want my company, so I left her to herself.

Being ignored like that didn't feel very good, but she had understandable reasons. If retreating into her shell made things easier to cope with the pain, I would be the last one to question her. After all, I wasn't exactly someone who liked to openly display feelings and take comfort in others, either. But though I could relate to her behaviour and accept it, it didn't keep me from being very concerned about her. I grew more and more worried, because Padmé refused _everything_. Not only did she refuse to talk or to leave the bed, she also refused the food I wordlessly put down on the small bedside table for her every morning, along with a pot of hot tea and a jug of fresh water. I tried again and again, hoping that eventually her appetite would overpower her grief-stricken apathy, but nothing changed. Everytime I went to pick up the dish in the evening, she hadn't touched any bit of it. A little of the water was gone though, which eased my mind because it was the only indication that she was still clinging to life somehow.

Those short minutes when I brought the food to her were the only times I saw her at all. Apparently, she was avoiding me with great care. She never turned to look at me when I crossed the curtain and stepped to the bed, and she got up to use the sanitary facilities only when I was outdoors, busying myself with my lightsaber for several hours so I wouldn't loose my skills. But I never confronted her about it. She had gone through so much pain and had to overcome true tragedy. I didn't want to put any more pressure on her than necessary. I figured that she knew how much time she needed. Eventually she would pick up courage and approach me. Or so I hoped.

But I hoped wrong.

One day, our dull routine was no more because I decided to not wait any longer and take some action...

* * *

I was trying to meditate when I suddenly heard faint noises from the other side of the curtain. For a few seconds I considered leaving her alone; I didn't want to intrude her privacy, barging in when she was in mourning. But the weak snivelling noises stirred up the protective instincts I couldn't ignore any longer. So I went to the bed to check on her. 

As expected, she lay there facing the rough wall. I couldn't see her face, but the occasional tremble of her slender shoulders gave her away. Even though she had fallen completely silent the moment I had invaded her part of our room, she kept crying. I stepped closer and squatted down right next to the bed.

"Padmé?" I asked softly, my hand hovering over her arm indecisively. I wanted to soothe her, or at least try to do so, but I wasn't sure if she wanted that. She probably hated me for not taking better care of Anakin, and I couldn't even blame her.

"Are you awake?" I tried again. I knew she was, but I asked anyway. I just had to say something. Anything. Anything that would get through to her, but she didn't react at all.

I took a deep breath. "I want to help you, but I do not know how", I said, my voice pleading with her to escape her self-imposed isolation. "Padmé, please... I'm so sorry..." I lowered my hand on her thin arm, touching her very lightly.

The physical contact seemed to affect her more than my words. Or maybe it was the combination of both because, she suddenly rolled over, and before I even knew it, I held her in my arms, rocking her gently while she cried. It was as if she had been holding back her tears for all those days we'd already spent here on Tatooine, and now her inner dam had suffered a breach and it all just poured out of her. Never-ending rivulets ran down her face, which was tightly pressed into the curve of my body where my shoulder met my neck, wetting not only her skin, but mine as well.

I don't know how long I held her, but she calmed down eventually. I carefully made her lie back again, guiding her head onto the soft, rumpled pillow. Her face was flushed and swollen. Exhaustion was written all over it. Her eyes remained closed, the dark lashes sticking together from all the salty wetness, and her lips were slightly parted because she couldn't breathe through her nose properly. Gently, I felt her damp forehead. She had a temperature.

When I rose from my squatting position, her eyes flew open and she reached for my leg, holding on with surprising strength. "Don't go," she breathed, her eyes brimming with even more tears. "Please."

"I'll be back with you in just a moment," I reassured her. "I promise," I added and she let go of me. I quickly crossed the room and headed for the small kitchen section of our hut to prepare a few cloths by soaking them with cold water.

Back at the bed again, I put the cloths aside and made Padmé drink as much as she could. She looked at me over the rim of the cup I held to her lips as she took tiny sips, with blood-shot eyes that openly showed her agitation.

"Very good, now lie down again. Slowly", I instructed her calmly when the cup was empty. I grabbed the cool, moist cloths, moved to the foot of the bed and pushed the thin blanket up to uncover her legs. I back-pedaled for the fraction of a second when I realized that her legs were naked under the blanket, but this was not the time for etiquette and honourable manners. I neatly wrapped the cloths around her slender calves and ankles and pulled the blanket over her small feet again. Then I sat down on the corner of the bed and started to clean her face, very carefully wiping the tears and the sweat from her heated skin.

"Where are my children?" she suddenly asked. "Are they safe?"

I nodded, gently stroking the wet cloth along her cheek for one last time. "Yes, don't worry. Luke and Leia are safe. Both of them."

"Tell me what happened. I remember you holding the babies... That's the last thing I can remember." Her hand found my forearm, squeezing lightly. "Please, I need to know what happened to them."

I put my much larger hand over hers and began to speak. I told her everything she needed to know. About our decision to split her up from her twins. About the simulated funeral. About Bail Organa's willingness to offer Leia a life with a future and a family who would raise and love her as though she was his own child. About little Luke whom I had brought to his uncle's home. And I told her that, even though Luke was going to grow up on the same planet we were living on, it was far too risky to go and visit him. I tried to break it gently to her, but no matter how soft my voice was or how solacing the caress of my hand on hers, it wouldn't take away the cruelty of what I had to say. She was a mother who would never again see her babies. Never. I couldn't think of anything more tragic.

She was more or less composed. I wondered if the fever had clouded her mind so that she failed to grasp the meaning of my words, but then she looked at me and with a very broken voice said: "I'm glad they are safe. Thank you, Obi-Wan."

I could hear that she was fighting to be strong, and I admired her for that.

"Sleep now, Padmé," I ordered gently. She looked so utterly exhausted and tired, I almost couldn't bear watching her.

"Don't go," she said again.

"I promise," I whispered, still holding her pale hand. Less than a minute later, she had fallen asleep.

* * *

Her fever was gone a few days later. Even though she was far from being well, she was slowly starting to recover from the shock of the situation. She still wasn't eating, though. There was nothing I could do to make her develop a modicum of appetite. I was very surprised when one evening, she left the bed she'd practically been living in since our arrival, and for the first time came to the other side of the curtain while I was present. 

"How are you feeling?" I asked and tried to smile at her. "I'm glad to see you getting up."

She was in her light-coloured nightgown which made her seem even more fragile than she was. She swayed a little and leaned against the wall for support, giving me a strangely scrutinizing look. I just wanted to ask what was wrong when she opened her mouth to speak.

"I've been taking a look around the house this afternoon, while you were gone", she told me matter-of-factly. I could hear accusation in her voice and wondered what I had done to upset her.

"And?" I asked, confused. "Is there a problem?"

"This is the only room. There's no second bed", she said, frowning. "Why didn't you tell me there was no place for you to sleep in? I feel like a selfish idiot now."

"I can sleep on the floor or on a chair", I replied. It wasn't really a lie. I could sleep anywhere if there was need. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but I wasn't picky. As soon as I could be sure that Padmé wouldn't run into mischief the second I left her alone, I would procure another bed. But right now, I'd rather be around her all the time keeping a wary eye on her and pass on the bed.

"Have you slept at all?" she asked insistently.

"Padmé..." I said, my voice urging her to let the matter rest already, but she wouldn't listen.

"You look terrible, Obi-Wan. You didn't get a minute of sleep recently, did you?" she added more softly, suddenly sounding very concerned. I realized that she was only upset because she was worried about my well being, even though she was in a far worse state than me. I almost had to smile.

"Padmé, please. You should care only for yourself right now, that's the most important thing. You need to recover."

"You didn't answer my question," she pointed out, holding my gaze. She was not willing to let me get away with this. I sighed inwardly.

"I can go without proper sleep for several days, don't worry," I tried again. "I'm fine."

She opened her mouth to object, but I quickly interrupted and said, "But you can't go without food for any longer. Come, sit down and eat. Please."

She slightly pursed her lips, thinking for a short moment. Then she rose her chin a little, as if she was preparing for fundamental negotiations. "Listen, Obi-Wan," she said, her resolute voice reminding me of the fact that she was no fragile girl, but a mature woman who had stood her ground in politics for many years. "I suggest a deal. I will sit down and eat with you if you promise to accept my offer to share the bed with me. At least until we have a better solution we both feel comfortable with."

I shook my head. "I can't believe you're trying to blackmail me..."

"I'm not blackmailing you, I'm just worried about you! What's wrong about that? We're friends, and friends care for one another. And I don't want you to sleep on the floor when there's enough room in the bed."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not? You're short of sleep, I can see it. And don't say I'm mistaken, because I know I'm not!"

"It's too narrow for both of us. I want you to be comfortable and get a good rest. You need it. And you won't be able to sleep well if I squash you in."

"That's ridiculous. It's a huge bed. Well, not exactly huge, but it'll do. I don't need much space, I'm a tiny person." She crossed her arms in front of her chest defiantly. "If you refuse, I'll take offense in it..."

"Alright," I finally agreed, fighting with a little grin. "I'd rather not disgruntle a Senator."

"You are very wise, Master Kenobi," she said teasingly and sat down at the small table, surprising me once more. "So what are we having for dinner?"


	3. Chapter 2: Padmé

Hello dear readers:) Thanks a lot for all those kind reviews, you all made my day! I'm very happy that you like my story, and I hope you'll keep those reviews coming because they are a great motivation. Thanks again! I hope you enjoy the next chapter. It's the first one written from Padmé's point of view. Our lovely heroes will take turns in telling their story. I hope nobody will get confused by that. :)

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**Chapter 2: Padmé **

I wasn't hungry at all, but I knew that Obi-Wan was right. Unless I wanted to collapse soon, I had to eat. My body had never felt this weak before. I could barely stand upright without help, which annoyed and embarrassed me. I was glad I made it to the table without stumbling.

We didn't talk while Obi-Wan prepared dinner. I hadn't known that he could cook, but there probably weren't many things Obi-Wan _couldn't _do. Nevertheless, I was glad that he seemed to have sufficient knowledge in that area because I certainly did not. Actually, I had never prepared a proper meal in my life, but I was willing to learn when I felt better again.

Even though Obi-Wan didn't say a word to me, it didn't go unnoticed that he stole a few quick and discreet glances at me, as if he was afraid that I would change my mind and retreat to the bed again before he was finished with whatever he was cooking. But that wasn't my intention. True, I was still lethargic and distracted with the enormous pain of losing everybody and everything that had been close to my heart, but I wasn't irrational anymore. I wouldn't refuse food any longer.

Some minutes later, Obi-Wan swiftly set the table for both of us. I felt bad for not giving him a hand, but I doubted that my legs would hold my weight if I stood up now. Obi-Wan didn't complain, of course. I lowered my gaze to look into the bowl he put in front of me and saw that he had made a soup with chopped vegetables in it. It smelled very appetizingly. I figured he'd chosen it because it would supply me with extra liquid my parched body needed. He tried his best to make me drink water and tea during the day, but I never drank enough. And, a thought came to my mind, soup was also easy to digest and the tiny pieces of vegetable provided much-needed nutrients. My stomach probably couldn't take much solid food without protesting since it wasn't used to it anymore. After all, I hadn't eaten anything in quite a few days.

I took my spoon with a somewhat shaky hand while Obi-Wan finally sat down across from me. The whole situation seemed a little weird to me. I had never before seen him eat. He'd never been anything but a dutiful, reliable and calm Jedi Knight to me; a watchful protector, clever debater, trustworthy escort, and- if need be- fierce fighter. It was strange to see him as just an ordinary man who was engaging in everyday activities like sitting at a table having dinner. I couldn't help wondering what it would be like to see him sleep tonight.

"Don't you want to eat something?" Obi-Wan's voice reminded me gently. I nodded and tried a tiny, polite smile to express my gratitude.

* * *

In contrast to the hot days, the nights on Tatooine were horribly cold. Even though Obi-Wan always made sure that I had several blankets to sleep in and that our hovel was appropriately heated once the twin suns set, I was still freezing. I knew that my chills weren't caused by the weather conditions alone, but partly from the cold deep inside myself. The nights were harder for me than the days. Maybe it was because of the utter darkness that I felt even lonelier. I had spent so many nights on my own in the past because Anakin and I rarely had the opportunity to share time with one another, but this was a totally different kind of loneliness now. I knew he would never return to me again. He would never again lie next to me, never hold me, never kiss me, never tell me that he loved me... There was nothing I could look forward to anymore. When I thought of the future, there was only emptiness. I missed Anakin so much. The pain seemed to tear me apart. 

When I had offered Obi-Wan share of the bed, I had done so mainly because it appeared to be the fairest and most logical thing to do. I didn't want him to suffer because he had volunteered to hide me from the Sith. I didn't want to be a burden for him, but that was exactly how I felt. Like a burden Obi-Wan was too suave and too selfless to deny carrying. I had been so relieved when he'd finally accepted my offer, but later in the evening I started worrying.

As I thought about it more and more, I suddenly feared that I wouldn't be able to bear sleeping next to a man who wasn't Anakin. I was afraid that it would stir up all the memories of my rare nights with Anakin. I was terrified that I would wake up in the morning, and in my daze, think it was my husband who lay with me, only to realize the brutal truth a moment later. But when the time had come and Obi-Wan lay down on his half of the bed, I had to admit that it was rather soothing than agonizing to have him with me.

Our bodies didn't touch anywhere, yet somehow his solid presence right next to me was warming, and not only in a physical sense. It was solacing to know that somebody was there. I wasn't so alone after all, I realized. Even though, deep inside, I still felt like it.

"Good night, Obi-Wan," I said wearily, manoeuvering around to find a more comfortable sleeping position. Unlike me, Obi-Wan was lying completely still on his back.

"Good night. Sleep well," he said politely. I did. When I woke up the next morning, I realized that since our arrival on Tatooine, I hadn't had a sleep this untroubled. For the first time, I didn't wake up with this depressing feeling of exhaustion, but actually felt quite well rested.

Obi-Wan had left the bed already, but he couldn't have been gone for long. When my hand slid along the mattress, the sheet was still warm where his body had lain next to me. I figured that he was probably washing and dressing himself right now, so I decided to pretend to be asleep for a few more minutes until I was sure that he was done. When I heard him rummaging quietly in the kitchen, I got up to meet him on the other side of the curtain.

"Good morning," I said to him as he put on water for his tea. He was neatly dressed in fresh, light-coloued clothes that covered all of him except for his head and his hands. It wasn't very hot yet because it was early in the morning, but I wondered how he could endure the sweltering midday heat in clothes as high-necked and long-sleeved as his. He turned around to greet me.

"Good morning to you, too, m'lady. Did you sleep well?" he wanted to know. His hair was still wet, I noticed, which reminded me of the fact that I really needed to wash mine, too.

"Yes, very well, thank you," I said with a slight smile that was reflected on his calm face as the corners of his mouth curved up a tiny bit.

"I'm glad to hear it," he said and turned away from me, getting an orange out of the refrigerator. "Are you hungry?"

I bit my lower lip. "No," I told him. He probably _wasn't _glad to hear _that _. "But I'm thirsty," I quickly added. "I'll take some of the tea for now, if you don't mind. I will eat later."

"As you wish," he said as he started to peel the orange in his hand. When I breathed in the delicious scent of the juicy fruit, my stomach made a little growling noise.

"Are you sure?" Obi-Wan asked with a slightly amused smile.

"Well..." I replied, feeling a weak blush creep across my cheeks. "Maybe I'll take one slice of that orange, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind at all, m'lady," he said, handed me the whole peeled orange and took another one for himself.

* * *

Our new life went on without any special incidents for several days. We quickly adapted to a pattern that had been established without any previous verbal agreements or discussions. It was a routine we both seemed to be content with. 

We slept next to each other at night and each morning, Obi-Wan got up early while I was still slumbering. He never woke me up but slipped out of bed unnoticed and let me sleep in as long as I liked. When I got up, breakfast was already waiting for me on the table. I didn't want him to serve me and told him so, but he said that it wasn't any trouble and he didn't see the point in not preparing my breakfast along with his. While I took my time to attend to my personal hygiene and dress for the day after breakfast, Obi-Wan was usually outdoors, doing his excercises before the suns would glare down too intensely. Later on, he spent quite some time on his meditations during which I never disturbed him. Not because he told me not to, but because I wanted to show him how much I respected his privacy and needs. Besides, there was much I, too, had to contemplate and reflect on.

The only break in our day-to-day routine happened when one day an extremely violent sandstorm raging across the desert blew one of the window shutters off. When it was over, Obi-Wan and I repaired the damage together, which I enjoyed more than I had expected. It was nice to do something useful for a change. I realized that this was probably the best way out of my misery. I needed something to do. I didn't fear hard work and toil, but I feared to completely loose myself in emotional distress and self-pity that was only being fueled by the never-ending tedium I was caught in at the moment. I wanted to speak to Obi-Wan about it when the moment was right. He didn't seem to be fond of the idea of me performing anything that involved physical strains yet, and maybe he was right. I was feeling a little better each day, but still hadn't fully regained my strength. That would change soon, however. I was sure of it.

I decided to grant myself some more time to rest, but inside of my head I had already worked out plans of what I wanted to do once I had the energy. I was quite pleased with my ideas and couldn't wait to tell Obi-Wan about them. He seemed more relaxed recently, which was a good thing of course. He'd never said out loud that our situation was difficult for him, too, but I felt how tense he'd been, especially in the beginning. The tension was slowly easing off though, and I was glad about it. But just when I thought that everything was starting to look brighter with me being on the mend and Obi-Wan acting more and more informal in my presence, something totally unexpected happened.

* * *

I woke up in the middle of the night because Obi-Wan's elbow poked me in the ribs quite unpleasingly. I was a bit surprised, because he _never _touched me when we slept- not even accidentally- but I didn't pay great attention to it. I was too tired to be bothered. I rolled over and would have fallen asleep again within seconds, if it hadn't been for a rather uncomfortable hard contact of Obi-Wan's knee with the back of my right thigh. I opened my eyes and slowly sat up, gazing down to him. Although it was impossible to make out any details in the darkness, Obi-Wan's peculiar agitation was obvious. He tossed around uneasily in his troubled sleep, something he'd never done before. I saw one of his hands clutching his blanket in an iron grip. When his head jerked on the pillow and his face turned towards me for a short moment, I could also see the deep furrow of his brow and the sweat on his forehead. 

I stared for a few moments, hoping that he would calm down again quickly. But he didn't. And then I heard it. It was such a faint whisper, his lips hardly moving at all. A barely audible mutter, really, but it carried the most emotion I had ever heard in his voice before.

"Please... Anakin, no..."

My hand flew to my mouth as sudden tears sprang to my eyes. And I stared at him still, witnessing despair and sorrow being at war over his features. Of course I had known that I wasn't the only one who suffered great pains, but only now as I was confronted with Obi-Wan's true feelings that he had always hid so well, it dawned on me just how much he was hurting too. He, too, had loved Anakin so very much. Maybe they had been even closer than Anakin and I, knowing one another inside and out for many years and being connected by their bond through the Force. His feeling of loss and emptiness must be beyond all bearing.

Obi-Wan muttered a few more words I didn't get, then fell silent again as he rolled onto his back. I bit my lower lip and willed my tears to go away, but when a tiny, infinitely heartwrenching groan escaped Obi-Wans throat, the first tear dropped down my cheek.

I didn't know what to do. Wake him up? Maybe not. Maybe he would be embarrassed for loosing his composure and go back to sleeping on the floor again. I didn't want to loose his soothing presence, but wasn't it terribly selfish to not save him from his obvious nightmare, just to make sure he would stay with me during the nights? I hated me for even considering it.

Before I could make a decision, Obi-Wan woke up with a start. I couldn't suppress a gasp of sudden surprise when he shot up, breathing hard. His nervous gaze flickered across the room for a second and then focused on me. I could see the intense pain glinting in his moist eyes just before he looked away again. I couldn't say anything, because the lump that had formed in my throat was too big. With a quick motion, I hastily wiped the wet track of the tear from my face.

"I'm sorry," he said with a throaty voice, avoiding my gaze. "I didn't want to wake you up."

"It's alright," I replied faintly, trying to sound solacing. "It's not your fault. You had a bad dream."

"No," he said, rubbing the root of his nose for a moment. "I wish it all had been a bad dream indeed, but..."

"It wasn't," I finished his sentence and, without thinking about it, reached for his hand. He didn't pull back but carefully held on to me.

My heart was aching painfully as Obi-Wan's words sank in. Of course he was right. It was no dream. What was haunting both of us had really happened. I didn't know what to say to him. Well-meant phrases offered only very small and cold comfort, if any comfort at all. I knew that first-hand. No words could ever ease the pain we both had to endure. There was nothing I could say to make him or myself feel better because it wouldn't change anything. So, I did the only thing that seemed reasonable to me under the given circumstances; the only thing that perhaps would give a little comfort to both of us, if only for a fleeting moment. I slid closer to Obi-Wan and embraced him tenderly. He didn't resist, instead he hugged me back, gently but tightly, wrapping me into the warm shelter of his arms. We stayed like that for a long, silent time.

That night, we didn't only share the bed with one another, we also shared our grief. Together we openly mourned Anakin, and everybody and everything else we both had lost until sleep eventually overwhelmed us again.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I noticed was slow, even breathing and a warm presence right behind me, as well as a limp hand on my upper arm. Suddenly, I knew that everything between us had changed since last night. But I knew that it had changed for the better. 

I closed my eyes again and carefully wriggled back a bit, until Obi-Wan's chest was touching my back and I could feel his calm exhalations on the nape of my neck. His hand slid forward from its position on my arm. Drawing me closer, he subconsciously embraced me from behind. I remained still, to cherish the warm, comforting feeling he provided until he woke up. I hoped he wouldn't feel uncomfortable about the closeness we shared now because I clearly didn't.

* * *

t.b.c. 


	4. Chapter 3: ObiWan

Oh wow, so many lovely reviews, you guys are spoiling me!;) No, seriously, I am very happy that you still like the story and your kind feedback is much appreciated! In fact, I'm starting to feel a bit like Anakin here ("I want more and I know I shouldn't!", or something along those line... LOL). Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**HERE WITH ME -- Chapter 3: Obi-Wan **

I woke up to the unfamiliar sensation of having a warm body nestled to my chest. Though I wasn't exactly a stranger to sleeping close to others; I remembered countless occasions in which Anakin and I had had to sleep in places that had been even narrower than the bed I shared with Padmé. This was different. No matter how much Anakin's body had been pressed into mine sometimes, he'd never snuggled up to me like that. Well, almost never.

In the very early years of his apprenticeship he'd been a bit cuddly at times, lacking the loving physical contact he had with his mother. I had tried to satisfy his childlike needs by offering an affectionate hug or an extra-dedicated pat whenever I felt that it was necessary. At the same time, I had tried to gradually reduce said needs, because I wanted him to focus on his studies and training alone. Anakin had always had a very strong longing for affection, and though things like sympathy and caring for other beings were familiar to every Jedi and were rather encouraged than forbidden, it was well known that longing and want were dangerous feelings. I tried to teach him how to control his passionate and often petulant temper, but it wasn't an easy task, especially because Anakin wasn't always a willing student.

In hindsight, I figured that with my attempts to maturate him as quickly as possible, I didn't succeed in making him overcome his base emotions, but rather added to them. Often, I hadn't been sure how to treat him. I didn't want to be too soft with him and let him get away with undermining my authority, but I didn't want to be a cold mentor, either. It had been so hard to find the right balance. I had been very young then, and inexperienced with matters concerning the handling of children in general and padawans in particular.

Maybe I had been too severe and demanding out of insecurity or ignorance or fear of failure. Maybe I hadn't been loving enough. Or, I corrected myself, perhaps I had been very loving, but made the big mistake of not openly showing him and letting him know just how deeply I felt about our relationship and camaraderie. And when I finally picked up the courage to tell Anakin how much he meant to me, and that I loved him like a brother, it had been far too late. I wondered whether the fate of us all would have gone a different path if I had been a more capable master and a better friend. I knew that it was futile to get lost in depressing thoughts about the past, but I couldn't help it.

But again, it was the past. It could not be changed. I had to focus on the present and the future, which included the challenge of living with a young woman who didn't follow the way of the Jedi. A young woman who quite obviously was in need of some physical contact right now, similar to the little boy that had burst into my life almost fifteen years ago, turning everything upside down. I wanted to try and give to her what I had failed to give to Anakin. The fact that Padmé and I were good and trusted friends of many years helped me to overcome the etiquette barriers that were still lingering between us, even after last night's revelations. I forced myself to stay still and let her rest in my arms, gently holding her close to me. It felt better than I wanted to admit to myself.

"Hello," I said to her, my calm voice giving away that I was still a little sleepy. She lay with her back to my chest but I could tell from her breathing pace and rhythm that she was awake. I felt her body going a bit tense, as if she was expecting me to push her away from me any moment, but she quickly relaxed again when I didn't.

"Good morning," she said, even though my sense of time told me that it was about noon already. We lay in comfortable silence and harmony for a few more moments, breathing exactly in time with one another.

"Are you feeling better?" she carefully asked a few minutes later.

"Yes, thank you," I replied. In order to brush aside some strands of my hair that had fallen into my eyes, I lifted the arm I had been embracing her petite form with. Released from my embrace, Padmé sat up and turned her head to look down at me. She thoroughly explored my face with her eyes, probably searching for affirmation of my words. She wanted to be completely sure that I was okay.

"Alright," she then said and pushed her thick blankets aside. "Why don't you just stay in bed a little longer and relax while I prepare our breakfast?"she suggested. I hesitated for a second, but agreed. I didn't really like to sleep in, but she didn't know that of course. She sounded motivated and I didn't want to destroy her newly regained verve by ruining her plans to serve me breakfast, which obviously meant a lot to her. It was easy to sense how important it was to her to do something for me, after everything I had done for her.

I wanted to sit up and make some space for her to get out of bed; I always slept at the outer edge of our bed, and Padmé was sort of trapped between the wall and myself. But she was faster and swiftly climbed right over my body before I even had the chance to move.

"Excuse me," she said as she straddled me for a split second, just before she slid off of me to stand on the floor right next to the bed. "Tea?"

"Yes please." I watched her walk to the curtain and vanish behind it. Her strides weren't shaky and weak anymore, but graceful and steady. She really was on the road to recovery.

* * *

From that night on, after she had seen the more vulnerable side of me that not many people knew of, our friendship deepened noticeably. She now knew that I, too, needed comfort, and she was happy to supply it. Since we now slept so close to one another that our bodies actually touched, we quickly got used to physical contact with one another and weren't so hesitant and careful about it anymore. Often, Padmé would step behind me when I sat at the table, and put her small hands on my shoulders, kneading softly and asking how I was. Sometimes I gave her a goodnight hug before she went to sleep. And every now and then she pecked me on my cheek when she stood in my embrace. 

Weeks passed, and our life in exile proceeded quietly and harmonically. We cleaned the house together, prepared our food together, ate our meals together, slept in the same bed... It was only when I engaged in my daily meditations that we were separated. We either spent those times on the opposite sides of the curtain that split the room into two halfes, or sometimes, I meditated outdoors while she stayed in the house and worked on her plans for a sheltered garden.

Padmé wanted to purchase some more moisture vaporators, in addition to the few we already possessed. She had pointed out that we were, after all, living in a house that once had been built by a moisture farmer, so there had to be more than just the average water vapor in the parched air. She didn't want to obtain water to sell at the markets like the common moisture farmers. She wanted to create sufficient water supplies for crops she planned to grow for us. I knew it was going to be a hard piece of work. We would have to expand and reconstruct the underground basement of our house to make enough room for Padmé's agricultural endeavours and install a whole new irrigation system, and we couldn't even be sure if it really would work out in the end. But I saw the advantages and agreed with her that it was worth a try. Besides, it did Padmé good to make herself useful and take on a challenge.

"How many vaporators do you think you'll need for the irrigation of the garden?" I asked her one evening during dinner.

"I'm not really sure. Maybe four. Or three. How much do they cost?" She looked at me questioningly, obviously fearing that she was asking for too much. Vaporators were pretty expensive because on a desert planet like Tatooine, water was of course one of the most precious goods to produce, sell and possess. I knew that I would have to pay about 500 credits per device, but that was not a problem.

"That's not what I meant," I said. "We're slowly running out of supplies, you know. We need to stock up food, water, and also some other stuff like spareparts. It's not like we have ten extra window shutters stored in the basement, and who knows when the next sandstorm will blow one off and away again. Well, I'm just trying to figure out if it will be possible to transport all new supplies and the vaporators in one ride. I don't really want to travel back and forth twice in just one week. Mos Eisley isn't exactly around the corner, let alone a place I'd like to spend my time in if I don't really have to."

Padmé's eyes lit up as I started to talk about having to visit Mos Eisley. "When are we going?" she asked. She tried to cover up her obvious excitement but failed terribly.

"Padmé, you don't understand what I'm saying. _We _won't go anywhere. _I _will go to Mos Eisley, and I'm not planning to take you with me," I told her bluntly.

"What?" She stared at me, totally perplexed. "But why? I want to come with you. I can help you carry everything, keep you some company on the journey, and..."

"What if somebody recognizes you?" I interjected matter-of-factly. "Mos Eisley is a great spaceport, crowded with transients from all over the galaxy, and I daresay that most of them are, in some way or the other, criminals. Selling information on the whereabouts of a certain Senator everybody believes is dead is quick and easy money. We can't take the risk."

"And what if somebody recognizes _you _?" she pointed out. "I'm not the only one whose face and name are well known, and who's considered an enemy of the new empire. If anyone blabs out where to find fugitive General Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Sith will come after you and then find me as well. What's the difference?"

"Nobody will recognize me because I won't attract any attention."

"I won't, either."

"First off, petite and beautiful women always attract attention when they walk between mobs of intergalactic scum. And secondly, I could at any time use the Force to make people overlook me in a ticklish situation. You can't. It's too dangerous."

"Are you seriously saying that I will have to stay in this hovel for the rest of my life and can't even go to the city for a few hours? That's not really a pleasant prospect," she said grimly.

"I know, but it's necessary." I looked down to my plate, collecting some spiced rice with my fork. For me, the discussion was finished and I wanted to proceed with dinner, but Padmé didn't seem to agree.

"I would rather lead a somewhat enjoyable life and risk that the Sith will eventually find and kill me, than slowly die from boredom because I am confined to a ramshackle hut in the middle of nowhere with no other place to go!" she said, her agitated voice gradually rising in volume as she spoke.

I put my fork down with an audible clink, failing to hide that my patience was starting to run thin. There was reprehension in my gaze as I stared hard at her, and I could see in her eyes that it made her angry.

"This is not about you, Padmé! What do you think will happen to Luke and Leia if the Sith ever find out that you didn't die in childbirth but are actually very alive on Tatooine?" I asked sharply, not waiting for her to answer. "They will come to the conclusion that your babies are alive too, and they will hunt them down and kill them. Is that what you want? Risk the lives of your own children and destroy the only hope we have left, just for something so trivial like a few hours of entertaining distraction at a busy spaceport?" My words came out harsher than I intended, but I couldn't help it. Though it sounded heartless, this really wasn't about Padmé or me. The most important thing was that Luke's and Leia's true identity would never be uncovered. That was all that mattered in the end. We had to make every possible and every necessary sacrifice to make sure both children would grow up safe.

"Of course not," she said, her voice suddenly small. She sounded defeated. I watched Padmé's shoulders slump as she forced herself to calmly take her fork. When I saw her picking at her food half-heartedly, I instantly regretted that I had been so rough to her and reached over the table to gently put my hand on her bare forearm.

"I'm sorry, Padmé. It's not as if I wouldn't want you with me on that trip, believe me," I said softly, offering truce. She accepted by looking up at me and giving me a tiny and sad smile.

"I know, Obi-Wan. There's no need to apologize. You are right, there's too much at risk. I'll make a list of everything I'd like you to get for me in Mos Eisley, alright?"

"Alright," I agreed with a nod, pulling my hand back. "That's a good idea."

For the rest of the evening, we didn't talk about it anymore.

* * *

I set out for my trip to Mos Eisley two days later. 

Padmé's list of things to get wasn't very long, but it took me more time than expected to find and buy all of the items she wanted. Also, I spent quite a few hours on just gathering information on any recent developments regarding the Empire and the horrid goings of Darth Vader. I had to avoid several patroling clone troopers, either by manipulating them with Jedi mind tricks or by vanishing into busy side roads in due time. It slowed me down greatly. When I was finally done with my business, the dusk that marked the beginning of the night was already beginning to show. On my way back I decided to spend the rest of the night in Bespine township and set out again the next day before the break of dawn. I would come hours later than I had predicted, but I was sure that Padmé was going to be all right. She wasn't a woman who panicked easily. She would probably figure that something unforeseen had kept me, and that I would return safely after a short delay.

Unfortunately, the short delay developed into a rather long delay when a violent sandstorm thwarted me soon after I had left Bespine. The locals of the city had warned me about it, suggesting that it would make a lot of sense to stay in the shielded town for two or three more days until the storm would die down, but I had been positive that I could make it to Padmé's and my house before the weather conditions would become insuperable. I didn't like the idea of leaving Padmé alone in a small hut in the middle of a raging sandstorm. I had to try to get to her before nature would confront me with an obstacle that I couldn't overcome, but my well-meant attempt to defeat the rising storm soon proved to be a futile action.

It wasn't just a common storm. It was an impressing, overwhelming force of nature, taking control of the wasteland with a strength I had rarely witnessed in the many deserts I'd been to. As violent blasts of hot wind made it more and more difficult to navigate my glider, I realized that I had to seek cover if I didn't want it to fall apart around me. Quickly, I swerved from my planned route and made a sharp turn to the left, taking refuge in Bildor's Canyon. By the time that I had located a little cave that promised much needed shelter, the storm was hurling the glider around as if it had neither a pilot nor working engines. I concentrated hard and tried to countersteer, but to no avail. I carried too much cargo and it was difficult to balance the glider's huge amount of weight that suddenly swung to the right, pushed by powerful wind gusts. I felt the vehicle spin out of control as another mighty blast shook it and almost made it topple over. Sensing that I couldn't escape the inevitable, I used my piloting skills as well as the Force to anticipate and soften the impact as the glider was sent crashing into the rough steeps of the canyon.

In the mishap, I bruised my ribs and suffered a cut on my forehead, but it was nothing serious. In no time, I was out of the broken glider and in the middle of the storm that almost tore me off the ground and up into the air. I pulled my hood up and jerked my robes tighter, covering my mouth and my nose to keep as much sand at bay as possible, then grabbed two canisters of water from the glider's loading space and headed for the nearby cave. I had to fight my way through the storm with closed eyes and I almost couldn't breathe because the air was so thick with fine, twirling sand, but with the help of the Force I eventually reached the small cave which proved to be a well enough shelter.

I had to stay in there for almost two days and two nights, waiting for the raging storm to wear off. I didn't sleep at all. Not because I couldn't, but because I didn't want to miss the moment which would allow me to crawl out of my provisional refuge. All I could think of was Padmé, and that I had broken my promise to be back with her in only a short time. As I sat there in the cave, only moving when I took an occasional and necessary sip of water, I wondered what and how she was doing during the storm. I knew I should be meditating in emergency situations like these, to focus on the task at hand and to gather my mental and physical strength, but everything that was on my mind revolved around my concern for the woman I had promised to protect. What if the window shutters or even the door had been blown off again? What if the power supply units had been damaged? And what if Padmé, in her brave and fearless but sometimes also reckless nature, had gone to search for me when I didn't return from my trip? I didn't dare think about it. I knew that the current situation wasn't my fault, yet it weighed me down that I wasn't by her side right now, and that I didn't know if she was okay.

I left the cave as soon as the weather conditions weren't a threat to a Jedi Master's life anymore, which meant that the storm was still ravaging the wastelands, but with a brutality I could handle if I was on my guard. I went through the things in the wrecked glider, quickly making a reasonable selection of what to take with me. Most of the things I had to leave behind. If we were lucky, they would still be here when the storm was gone again and I could come back to fetch the rest.

Travelling over sand dunes by foot in the blistering midday heat wasn't very effective, and dragging myself through a great storm that obscured my view and lashed sand into my face with sharp, endless gusts was, frankly speaking, back-breaking work. The sand was actually shifting underneath my feet as I was walking. I had the feeling that the dunes were moving faster than I did, and just when I thought that I would never reach the blasted house I caught a glimpse of it through the blur of whirling sand and blinding sun. In spite of my exhaustion I picked up pace and soon reached the door of our modest home. The door hadn't been blown away, but there was so much sand piled up in front of and against it that I had to shovel a way with my bare hands. When I finally could open it, the wind almost ripped it out of my hands. I somehow hurled the stuff I had carried with me into the house without letting go of the shaking and rattling door, then stepped inside myself, yanking the door shut behind me. The sudden calmness was almost a shock to my ears that during the recent days and nights had been under constant attack of the deafening whistling noises of the storm.

"Padmé?" I asked loudly as I hastily pushed back my hood, creating a great cloud of fine, swirling sand and dust all around me. She appeared from behind the curtain, looking downright devastated. My conscience was nagging at me even more as I took in the heart-breaking expression on her totally pale face. I felt so bad for not having returned to her by the specific point in time we had agreed on before my departure.

"Thank goodness, Obi-Wan, you're back! I thought... I thought..." she stammered as she rushed towards me, flying right into my arms. She was shaking as she pressed against me, clinging to my dirty, sand covered robes as if she never wanted to let go again. Her intense agitation took me by surprise.

"It's alright, I'm here now," I hushed her softly, holding her trembling body close to me. "I won't leave you again."

"You had better not!" she exclaimed furiously, slapping me into my chest as she glared up at me with tears in her dark eyes. I could see anger and fear in her eyes, but also great relief and something else; a burning emotion I didn't dare name. I'd never seen it in her eyes before, and it unsettled me.

She then took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. She lowered her head to my dusty shoulder and I couldn't help leaning my cheek against the top of her head, into the silky softness of her full hair. I was so tired.

Padmé's hands still clung to me with much strength, almost violently, and she still trembled like a leaf. But her voice was soft when she whispered: "I was so afraid that something terrible happened to you. I couldn't stand loosing you, Obi-Wan. There's nothing left in my life that matters to me anymore except you."

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t.b.c. 


	5. Chapter 4: Padmé

As always, thanks so much for all the lovely reviews, everybody! It's always such a pleasure to read them, so please don't stop to give me your opinions!

mrs.skywalker: I hope you will be satisfied with the last paragraphs of the chapter. wink

LondonGirl27: Don't worry, I don't mind constructive criticism at all! On the contrary. I really appreciate your comment a lot, and I know exactly what you mean. I see that it sounded as if Padmé forgot about her twins, but that was definitely not my intention. In this chapter I tried to explain her thoughts and feelings in a more detailed way, and I hope that (from Padmé's point of view) it comes across as more understandable. And don't fear, Luke and Leia won't be forgotten in this story, but I'm not going to say more about it because I don't want to give anything away yet.

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**HERE WITH ME -- Chapter 4: Padmé**

I wanted to stay like this forever, securely wrapped in his embrace, and with my arms tightly entwined around his waist in return. I was so happy he was back that I could have wept with relief. The time without him felt like an eternity. It had been so terribly desolate and lonely that I didn't know how I had managed to not let it drive me into insanity.

In the afternoon of the day of his departure I had already started to feel depressed because I missed him so. I missed the sound of his voice and our conversations during dinner. I missed the feel of his sleeping body right next to mine. I missed the tiny smile that appeared on his face and the warm glint in his eyes when he was amused. I even missed our rare arguments. But my longing for his company was nothing compared to the nightmarish anxiety that welled up inside of me when the great storm came a few days later without a sign or word from Obi-Wan. My concern and my fear for him almost drove me insane as days and nights went by and he just did not return. I could hardly sleep at night. The bed felt horribly cold and too large without him. I lay awake for many hours on end, fearing for the worst. I tried to calm myself down by using his pillow instead of my own, breathing in the faint traces of his unique scent as I tried to fall asleep, but it didn't help. Actually, it only made things worse. I wanted him here with me, but all I had was his pillow. And maybe, a mean little voice in my head pointed out, this pillow with his fading scent was all that would be left of him, because maybe, he would never come back. Maybe he was taken from me, like all the others. Anakin. Luke. Leia. My parents and siblings. Dormé. And now Obi-Wan. Gone.

As I lay there all alone in the darkness listening to the powerful storm raging across the wasteland and around our house, I cried for the first time in weeks. Until that very moment, I had not realized how attached I'd grown to him during those few months we had been living together. Obi-Wan's unexpected extended absence made me see that I had not only gotten used to his company, but that I _needed _it. Spending my days hiding in isolation was easier to bear when there was a friend around with whom I shared my sad fate. A friend I could talk to, listen to, touch, look at and care for. And who cared for me in return. I needed it. I needed him. Sure, I was tough, but I just wasn't qualified for living the life of a complete hermit.

I was so relieved when he suddenly entered the house that I temporarily forgot about my manners and jumped at him, hugging him so tightly that it was as if I feared that he would disappear any moment. He was taken aback a bit, but held me close nevertheless. I could tell how tired he was; he was actually leaning on me as we stood in one another's embrace. I even heard a tiny sigh escape him as he rested the side of his face against the top of my head.

"Are you thirsty?" I asked him considerately after I had spent some silent moments savouring the happiness of being reunited. When I felt him nod, I reluctantly let go of him and helped him out of his brown cloak. The beige Jedi tunic he was wearing underneath was filthy, covered with sand, dust, large stains of sweat and even a few small smudges of dried blood. Alarmed, I put my hand on his arm.

"Are you badly hurt?" I wanted to know, looking at him inquiringly.

"No, just a few bruises and this cut on my forehead. It's already healing," he told me and went over to our small table. He sat down on a chair with a soft moan of utter exhaustion. Figuring that he must be hungry as well, I got not only a large glass of fresh water for him, but also a few dried fruits and some bread. He thanked me, greedily downed the water, took a bite of bread and ate all of the fruit. Then he stood up, excused himself to the shower and afterwards went straight to bed, muttering something about having to lie down for a few minutes. Even though the storm was still whistling and blowing around the house violently, making the window shutters and the door rattle and squeak, he was deep asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He didn't even wake up when I carefully climbed over his body to lie down next to him, curling up in my snug nest between Obi-Wan and the wall.

It was so much better like this, I thought as we lay there together. So much better. Without him, I felt lost, numb and cold, almost as if I was detached from my own body, like a ghost or a shadow. But he was back now, and he made me feel better again. I needed his steadiness und his calm composure to hold on to, using him like an anchor that helped me to somehow keep my sanity. I needed his direct and close presence like the air I was breathing, because there was no other person for me to turn to. I had lost everybody who was close to my heart. I missed them all so much. Anakin the most, of course, and my twins. Though Luke and Leia weren't dead like their father, they had also been brutally taken from me and it was so hard to know that I wouldn't be able to raise them and see them grow up.

There were others who also meant a lot to me and who had left behind huge and aching holes of great loss in my heart. I missed Sabé, Captain Panaka and Jar Jar, for example, and Senator Bail Organa. Bail had always been a well trusted advisor for me, and our professional relationship through the senate had over the years blossomed to a deep friendship. He'd always been there for me, standing up for exactly the same goals and purposes I wanted to achieve. He was a good man. I was more than grateful that my little Leia was staying with him on Alderaan. I remembered a particular conversation I'd had with Bail in private, a few years ago. He'd vaguely disburdened his heart to me, telling me of his wife's and his own wish to have a child, but there seemed to be some sort of fertility problem. It was wearing him down, I could tell even though he tried to hide it and we didn't go deeper into the subject. I knew he was going to adore and cherish Leia. He was going be the most devoted foster father and raise her with much love. I would have been so happy and proud to do so myself, but it wasn't meant to be. I had lost her.

I had lost them all. My husband, my children, my family and my friends. I'd never see them again. There was only Obi-Wan, and no one else. He was the only one who could save me from my loneliness and make me feel alive again, I concluded as I was lying next to him in silence, studying his face.

Even in his deep sleep Obi-Wan looked contemplative and not at all peaceful. The characteristic, prominent furrow between his brows had become deeper over the years, from his constant worries and concerns, and not even the relaxation of sleep could smooth it out. Obi-Wan had long lost the jaunty and light-hearted beauty of youth which had always been so typical for Anakin. There were some first streaks of white and light grey in his hair and beard, and a few fine wrinkles at his eyes. He was still a handsome man, though. It was only due to his calm, reserved manner and his modesty that his attractiveness was so subtle.

As I watched him so closely, my eyes caught a few persistent grains of sand that were still caught in his beard, despite the fact that Obi-Wan had taken a rather long shower. Before I knew what I was doing, I reached out and carefully wiped the fine sand away with my thumb. Strangely enough, once I started touching him, I couldn't stop anymore, though I knew that it was rude to do so while he was asleep. I just needed to feel him. Unlike everybody else I loved, he wasn't just a memory that would eventually fade. He was real, temptingly solid and wonderfully warm to my touch.

My discovering fingers drifted along his jaw very lightly. I didn't want to rob him of his well-deserved sleep and was careful not to wake him up. The texture of his beard, which was always- even here in the deserted wasteland- cut into this impossibly accurate shape that complemented his face, was not as coarse as I'd expected. Though it felt unfamiliar, it wasn't at all uncomfortable. I gently caressed him for a few moments, until I dared to slowly cross the corner of his mouth. I held my breath as the tip of my middle finger ghosted over his lower lip, exploring him, and feeling his slow, steady exhalations on my hand. There was a small injury where the tender skin had split from being overly exposed to the desiccative sun and hot air, but it was healing up already.

I sensed that he was about to wake up any moment, but I couldn't get myself to withdraw my hand. As Obi-Wan lazily blinked his eyes open, I gently ran my fingertip along his dry lip for one last time and then continued to stroke his warm cheek and his ear in silence. He took an abrupt breath, perhaps because he wanted to protest, but I quickly lay my finger back on his mouth to prevent it.

"Shhh, it's alright," I whispered to him, staring at his lips which were now parted a bit . My words didn't seem to ease him. I could feel how tense he was. As I looked up, right into his eyes that were clouded from his sleep and exhaustion, I saw that he was confused and also unsure, but not entirely disinclined. Holding his gaze with my own, I took my hand from his mouth and slipped it to the nape of his neck instead.

"It's alright," I repeated, to convince not only him but also myself. _It's alright _. I could almost believe in it, but there still was an undeniable pang of conscience in me as I leaned in to him, closing the little distance that had been between our faces. He didn't stop me, but he didn't meet me halfway, either. He didn't move at all and just let it happen.

His breathing ceased for a moment as our lips touched for the very first time, gently and carefully. It wasn't difficult to sense his abashment and the quandary he suddenly found himself in, but he didn't turn away from me. Encouraged by that, I intensified the pressure of my mouth on his, kissing him more deliberately and sensual now. He tasted vaguely of fresh water and the sweet fruits he had eaten right before he'd gone to bed, mingled with his own, unique flavour. I felt as if it was the most delicious thing I'd ever tasted, but perhaps that was only because I hadn't received intimate and tender kisses like these in such a long time. I couldn't tell. I only knew that I wanted, _needed _more. I needed more of this wonderful warmth which was suddenly flooding my hurting heart, making it pound stronger than it had in many, many weeks. I needed more of these vibrant feelings that made me forget about the pain of reality, if only for a fleeting moment.

I kissed him harder, at the same time guiding my hand from his neck onto his hip, sliding further up, right under the hem of the simple, loose shirt he'd put on after the shower. His lips hesitantly opened up to the soft yet demanding touch of my tongue, allowing me to taste and explore him even deeper, but only for a second or two. When he felt my fingers stroke the bare skin of his waist he seemed to realize what we were about to get ourselves into. Struggling to get a grip on himself, Obi-Wan made a sudden and low noise of protest mixed with suppressed pleasure and slight regret. In a gentle yet very decided gesture he put his hand on mine to instantly stop my expedition over his body. His mouth, which had been so soft and yielding just a moment ago, suddenly became hard and rejecting as I felt his lips seal off to my impatient kisses. I pulled back and looked at him with a silent and sad question in my eyes. His cheeks were a bit flushed with embarassment. The unfamiliar sight would have made me smile, if I hadn't been so afraid to loose something that hadn't even started.

"This won't work out, Padmé. I'm sorry, but we... I can't," he said softly, picking up my hand from his waist. He brought it to his warm lips to breathe a gentle, apologizing kiss on my fingers. I didn't want him to turn away from me. I didn't want to be alone, but to feel alive with him. I wanted to go on kissing him, and being kissed in return. Maybe even more. But I knew Obi-Wan was right, so I didn't say anything. Yet my eyes betrayed my true thoughts as the unspoken question that had been in them turned to a desperate plea. It hurt when he slowly shook his head, denying me my obvious wish.

"You don't really want to do this," Obi-Wan said. He still held my hand as he spoke. He wasn't upset. There was only concern and compassion in his gentle voice, and a hint of apology. "You are heartbroken and I understand that you're longing for love and physical closeness, but you would only regret it later. We both would. I can't replace Anakin, Padmé. I'm sorry, but I can't give you what you are searching for in me."

I nodded softly, acknowledging that he was right, though it made me even sadder.

"Can you simply hold me, then? Just as a friend?" I asked. He let me nestle into his embrace without any contradictions. With his arms enveloping me and my head tucked under his chin, I closed my eyes and was grateful that he was still willing to do at least this.

He quickly fell asleep again, but I was too agitated and confused about my thoughts and feelings to take a nap as well. After quite some time of pondering, I still felt the strong urge to be close to Obi-Wan in a much more intimate way than the level of friendship would have justified, but I also realized that he was right with his assumption on later regrets. To engage in any sexual activities wouldn't change our relationship for the better, but instead, would make it horribly awkward. Not to mention that it would be unfair and selfish to try and use Obi-Wan for making my feeling of loneliness, loss and emptiness go away. Not that I didn't love Obi-Wan. I loved him, but not in the way I'd loved Anakin. I loved him as a true and good friend, perhaps even the best friend I actually had. There was a gentle fondness we both displayed for each other, as well as great respect and harmony. But there were no passionate sparks between us when we looked at one another. No butterflies in my stomach when he smiled at me. I didn't want him because I felt for him like I had felt for my husband, but because I had hoped he could patch up the gaping wounds Anakin had ripped into my heart. Suddenly I was glad that Obi-Wan had kept us from going too far. It would have been so wrong.

When he woke up about two hours later, I needed to talk things out with him. I didn't want our friendship to suffer from what had happened, and I told him so. He listened attentively, not interrupting me once.

"You really mean a lot to me, Obi-Wan. Believe me, I didn't mean to take advantage of you, and I want to apologize for my highly inappropriate behaviour. I hope you accept," I closed my short speech and anxiously waited for him to reply.

"Only when you accept my apology for not stopping you sooner. That was highly inappropriate, too," he said with a little smile. I smiled back and instantly lapsed into a teasing tune.

"Well, I guess it was just a natural reaction. Don't feel bad about it. You might be a legendary Jedi knight, but you're also a man of flesh and blood, after all."

"Indeed. I'm just not used to being reminded of it like this," he said, his cheeks actually turning a slight shade of red.

"So, apologies accepted on both sides?" I quickly asked before the silence between us had the chance to grow awkward and uncomfortable.

"Sounds good to me," he agreed with another small yet kind smile.

Half an hour later, we both stood in the kitchen section of our modest home, preparing our dinner together. We settled back into our little, comforting routine in no time. I asked Obi-Wan all sorts of questions on his trip to Mos Eisley, and he told me everything about the people he'd met, the things he'd seen, the news he'd heard of, and the accident he'd had in the canyon.

"I will have to go back as soon as the storm dies down, to see if our things are still there. If they are, and if they weren't entirely destroyed by the crash, I will have to fetch them," he said as we sat down at the table to eat. "I'd be glad if you came along with me, just in case it won't be possible to repair the glider. I'd have to carry everything to the house by foot then, and it would be good to have somebody help me."

I nodded, maybe a little too eagerly. "Sure, I'll come along to give you a hand," I said. But what I really thought was '_I'll come along because I don't want to be separated from you again.' _

* * *

t.b.c. 


End file.
